~Ruth Tan
Today is Mama’s Birthday
Two decades ago she suddenly left
Though my mind clogs each time her image appears
The memory of a detached me when she was passing on
Still bugs me year after year
My recollection of her is failing me
Everything about her gets fuzzier with the years
I remember her being so close yet so far
Her presence seemed to shout she loved
But her face never shined a drop of care
Growing up was painful and complicated
I needed someone to restrain and hold me back
But she was never there for me
I wished she could see the pathetic me
And I could see the hell she was in
When did animosity start creeping in?
Don’t know but rebellion grew in magnitude and took its toll
I opposed everything she did and said
Until she was left with nothing to say
Oh, she must have hated the monster me
I imagine the day when I go to heaven
What shall I say to her when I meet her there?
I wish I could say like my sisters
That she was my beloved Mum
But sorry it’ll only make me cry
What good is there left to whine?
When all is long gone and over
However much I dream to mend
The smithereens in that part of me
Will never again become a whole
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