Father and I

Father and I
~ Ruth Tan

I see a man living in lonesomeness
There he is
My present yet absent father

Fair-skinned, slender
High-cheekbones, tall-nosed
A good-looker they say

Miso soup, chin-cha-lo
Live clams doused in chilli and lime
Are his all time favourites

Newspapers, antiques
Beer and cigarettes
His lifelong best friends

He keeps his mind away from others
His quietness screams the loudest in the house
He seems to know much, but has no need of sharing a legacy

Many talents but never inspiring
Speaks like a Japanese native
But never enquiring if I could learn the same

Ritually writes my name on my new school textbooks
And crafts his sophisticated-looking signature on my report book
Yet never seems to care how terrible I fare every year

There is no birthday printed on his IC
And I am never curious enough to find out
That’s a whiff of the chasm in our relationship

I see a man dying in lonesomeness
There he is
Still that mysterious figure in my life

Mama & I

Mama & I
~Ruth Tan

Today is Mama’s Birthday
Two decades ago she suddenly left
Though my mind clogs each time her image appears
The memory of a detached me when she was passing on
Still bugs me year after year

My recollection of her is failing me
Everything about her gets fuzzier with the years
I remember her being so close yet so far
Her presence seemed to shout she loved
But her face never shined a drop of care

Growing up was painful and complicated
I needed someone to restrain and hold me back
But she was never there for me
I wished she could see the pathetic me
And I could see the hell she was in

When did animosity start creeping in?
Don’t know but rebellion grew in magnitude and took its toll
I opposed everything she did and said
Until she was left with nothing to say
Oh, she must have hated the monster me

I imagine the day when I go to heaven
What shall I say to her when I meet her there?
I wish I could say like my sisters
That she was my beloved Mum
But sorry it’ll only make me cry

What good is there left to whine?
When all is long gone and over
However much I dream to mend
The smithereens in that part of me
Will never again become a whole

The Bees

The Bees
~Ruth Tan

                            Lovely summer honeybees
                      Buzzing in the blossom-laden fields
                Announcing the busyness of a brand new day
            Their pollen-dusted bodies latching on the nectaries
      Sucking the sweetest liquid to fill their hungry honey tummies
      From flower to flower they zip to pollinate the plants and crops
To give us seasons of tasty apples, succulent berries and crunchy nuts

My Sisters and I

My Sisters and I
~Ruth Tan

Big Sister, my beloved gem
Closest to me in spirit
The warm chemistry we both share
Allows me to leave much unsaid
A Mama I can run crying to
So my Big Sister she'll always be

Second Sister, my rarest gem
I'm too wayward they all say
Yet she never runs out of praise for me
In her presence, I feel truly loved
I'm accepted just the way I am
For my Second Sister she'll always be

Little Sister, my precious gem
The only one I can be bigger than
So her affirmation I covet most
A life I so want to protect
Crown her with happiness I often pray
Because my Little Sister she'll always be

Cactus

Cactus
~Ruth Tan

Cold needle-sharp eyes
Glaring at the ball of fire
Not a plea for mercy
Brute resilience bleeds

Sheer chivalry
In grand simplicity
Flashes not a care
For blossoms praise

Standing all alone
In dignified solitude
And lofty aplomb
Cactus is its name

Another 100 Years

Another 100 Years
~Ruth Tan

If life was reversible
What would I ask
For another 100 years

Places to go
Wealth to gain
Fame to hold

Health to restore
People to cherish
Hearts to mend

Mistakes to avert
Failures to undo
Victories to count

Power to wield
Verdicts to turn
Peace to keep

Even if life was reversible
I daren't ask
For another 100 years

Like The Lilies

Like the Lilies
~Ruth Tan

"Be like the lilies
Blossom effortlessly!"