Father and I

Father and I
~ Ruth Tan

I see a man living in lonesomeness
There he is
My present yet absent father

Fair-skinned, slender
High-cheekbones, tall-nosed
A good-looker they say

Miso soup, chin-cha-lo
Live clams doused in chilli and lime
Are his all time favourites

Newspapers, antiques
Beer and cigarettes
His lifelong best friends

He keeps his mind away from others
His quietness screams the loudest in the house
He seems to know much, but has no need of sharing a legacy

Many talents but never inspiring
Speaks like a Japanese native
But never enquiring if I could learn the same

Ritually writes my name on my new school textbooks
And crafts his sophisticated-looking signature on my report book
Yet never seems to care how terrible I fare every year

There is no birthday printed on his IC
And I am never curious enough to find out
That’s a whiff of the chasm in our relationship

I see a man dying in lonesomeness
There he is
Still that mysterious figure in my life

Mama & I

Mama & I
~Ruth Tan

Today is Mama’s Birthday
Two decades ago she suddenly left
Though my mind clogs each time her image appears
The memory of a detached me when she was passing on
Still bugs me year after year

My recollection of her is failing me
Everything about her gets fuzzier with the years
I remember her being so close yet so far
Her presence seemed to shout she loved
But her face never shined a drop of care

Growing up was painful and complicated
I needed someone to restrain and hold me back
But she was never there for me
I wished she could see the pathetic me
And I could see the hell she was in

When did animosity start creeping in?
Don’t know but rebellion grew in magnitude and took its toll
I opposed everything she did and said
Until she was left with nothing to say
Oh, she must have hated the monster me

I imagine the day when I go to heaven
What shall I say to her when I meet her there?
I wish I could say like my sisters
That she was my beloved Mum
But sorry it’ll only make me cry

What good is there left to whine?
When all is long gone and over
However much I dream to mend
The smithereens in that part of me
Will never again become a whole

The Bees

The Bees
~Ruth Tan

                            Lovely summer honeybees
                      Buzzing in the blossom-laden fields
                Announcing the busyness of a brand new day
            Their pollen-dusted bodies latching on the nectaries
      Sucking the sweetest liquid to fill their hungry honey tummies
      From flower to flower they zip to pollinate the plants and crops
To give us seasons of tasty apples, succulent berries and crunchy nuts

My Sisters and I

My Sisters and I
~Ruth Tan

Big Sister, my beloved gem
Closest to me in spirit
The warm chemistry we both share
Allows me to leave much unsaid
A Mama I can run crying to
So my Big Sister she'll always be

Second Sister, my rarest gem
I'm too wayward they all say
Yet she never runs out of praise for me
In her presence, I feel truly loved
I'm accepted just the way I am
For my Second Sister she'll always be

Little Sister, my precious gem
The only one I can be bigger than
So her affirmation I covet most
A life I so want to protect
Crown her with happiness I often pray
Because my Little Sister she'll always be

Cactus

Cactus
~Ruth Tan

Cold needle-sharp eyes
Glaring at the ball of fire
Not a plea for mercy
Brute resilience bleeds

Sheer chivalry
In grand simplicity
Flashes not a care
For blossoms praise

Standing all alone
In dignified solitude
And lofty aplomb
Cactus is its name

Another 100 Years

Another 100 Years
~Ruth Tan

If life was reversible
What would I ask
For another 100 years

Places to go
Wealth to gain
Fame to hold

Health to restore
People to cherish
Hearts to mend

Mistakes to avert
Failures to undo
Victories to count

Power to wield
Verdicts to turn
Peace to keep

Even if life was reversible
I daren't ask
For another 100 years

Like The Lilies

Like the Lilies
~Ruth Tan

"Be like the lilies
Blossom effortlessly!"

The Feline Duo

The Feline Duo
~Ruth Tan

We’re the Fearsome
Feline Duo
You’d better know

Don't steal our slumber
And cut that silly grin
Go away
And return us peace
We must
Curl up tight to sleep
Cos' we’d be out tonight
For a darned good chase
In the true spirit
Of the big wild cats

We’re the Fearsome
Feline Duo
You’d better know

Exuberance

Exuberance
~Ruth Tan

Look, hundreds of Koi,
Competing hard for some food.
What Exuberance!

O Mighty Tree

O Mighty Tree
~Ruth Tan

O Mighty Tree
Blessed with a spirit so free

Standing in Grace
Rooted on constant Truth

Majestic stature in glowing hue
Set against the azure blue

See his Wisdom reigns
Glory crowning his passing years

Yields the sweetest fruit
That melts even the hardest brute

Cradles intricate nests
And beckons his feathered friends

Loving hands stretch to give
In Abunbdance may we live

Tower of Refuge
A true Friend indeed

A lullaby under the tranquil moonlight
A roar in the darkest stormy night

Songs of the seasons
He serenades them all

Did you hear the rustling wind folk
God just spoke

The Climb

The Climb
~ Ruth Tan

up three strides
down two strides
how slow is the climb

knees weakening
gotta keep going
and finish the climb

heart racing
breath shortening
can’t stop the climb

how long can I hold
I donno
just have to make the climb

never will I bend
so near is the end
ain't giving up the climb

Hungry Bunnies

Hungry Bunnies
~Ruth Tan

Ooo Something to eat?
Hippity Hoppity Hop
Bunnies take their happiest hop

Yea Something to eat!
Hippity Hoppity Stop
Bunnies make their busiest stop

Tumbling Descend

Tumbling Descend
~ Ruth Tan

Turning, spinning
    Twirling, spiralling
        Tumble, swish
            Down we go!

The Song of Everyday

The Song of Everyday
~Ruth Tan

The rhythm of every yesterday.
Toil has ended.
Sweat has dried.
I’m going home.

The tune of every tomorrow.
Toil will begin.
Sweat will pour.
I’m going again.

This Woman

This Woman
~ Ruth Tan

Who is this woman in the picture?
Do you know?
Her face weaves stories
I shall never know.

This woman on the edge of boat
I seem to know.
Her eyes tells stories
I maybe know.

Winter Duckies

Winter Duckies
~Ruth Tan

Icy water,
Good to drink?
Man, duckies
You make me think!

Icy water,
Good to paddle?
Man, duckies
You make me tattle!

I Chance Upon A Brown Brown Squirrel

I Chance Upon A Brown Brown Squirrel
~Ruth Tan

I chanced upon a squirrel
A brown brown squirrel!
He hopped and he hopped
And he could not stop

Up on the branch the squirrel has gone
Then man again he was gone!
Hey hey little squirrel
My brown brown squirrel

I say don’t be afraid
I’m not here to raid
1, 2, 3 is all I need
And a ”kimchi” for you to heed

The Last Dazzles

The Last Dazzles
~Ruth Tan

Say goodbye
To the day slipping by
These final moments
My eyes can't cast aside
My heart can't deny

But why

The last painting of the sky
The passionate holding on to the end
The deep touch of the last dazzles
The hopeful looking to my destiny
The revelry of new colours

So now

Say goodbye
To the day slipping by
There's something
In every going of the sun
That never says die

Old Beauty

Old Beauty
~Ruth Tan

A wreck of rust and metal I came to see
The ironical ruins I can't explain
Dust and sand cover its shame
No no it's a mask of glorious days
The beauty of the old yesterday
Pierce through and through my curious lens

Ocean of Sand

Ocean of Sand
~Ruth Tan

Ocean of Sand, O what is thy name?

A sea brimming with light?
Or a dessert barren of hope?
An oasis with overflowing life?
Or a rife of endless desolation?

Ocean of Sand, O what a formidable name!

Awaiting Spring

Awaiting Spring
~ Ruth Tan

In the cold of winter
Dry bones sprawling
Dim eyes closing

I know I know
Strength has abated
Breath has departed
But only for this long

I know I know
Spring will come
And redeem me
As she always did

The Tree

The Tree
~Ruth Tan

Can I be lovely as the tree
Always reaching to the heavenlies

A tree that rejoices in sun
A tree that sings in the rain

Whose eager eyes seek only the good
Whose open arms find only the Truth

Yes, Joyce Kilmer,
Poems are made by fools like me
But only God can make a tree